


A Woman's Heart, or, Penance

by aramisinaskirt (SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune)



Series: Musketeer March 2021 [4]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Canon Era, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Multi, Musketeer March 2021, POV Ana de Austria | Anne d'Autriche, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Sexism, Psychological Trauma, Sad Ana de Austria | Anne d'Autriche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:40:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillennium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/aramisinaskirt
Summary: Queen Anne knows that she is far from innocent. She has convinced herself that all she has been through is a penance she must pay for her sins. Anne feels truly alone and knows that few close to her understand the pain of a woman's heart when torn from the man she loves. References to events in a couple of episodes, including "Knight Takes Queen" and "The Accused."
Relationships: Ana de Austria | Anne d'Autriche/Aramis | René d'Herblay, Ana de Austria | Anne d'Autriche/Louis XIII de France, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Musketeer March 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190600
Kudos: 2





	A Woman's Heart, or, Penance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [privateerwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/privateerwrites/gifts).



> 3 quick things to be aware of before you read:  
> 
> 
> * This fic contains very brief/vague references to non-consent between Rochefort and Anne.
>   
> 
> * If you have not seen Knight Takes Queen, or The Accused-- Spoiler Warning!!
>   
> 
> * As usual: Credit for the prompt list goes to @privateerstudies on tumblr 

It was an otherwise quiet day at the palace when the door of the Queen of France’s private chamber closed with a heavy thud. Attended by her closest ladies in waiting, Anne of Austria sank to her knees and allowed herself one strangled, heavy sob. The emotions rolled over her in flooding waves, but she did not dare to give them full voice. A scream would send the guards, who would fear that she had been harmed. She had; but it was not a matter that would be of any importance, for no one would believe her. As it was, her time on the throne was likely nearing its end. Louis had grown disillusioned and cold toward her. 

It was not that Anne felt she was above the reproach of her husband or her people. It was hard enough for her to accept that Louis had given up on her. She was alone here, and there were so few people that she knew she could trust. It was as though she were suffocating. People gawked at her, worshiped her as the Queen of France, and despite having all the power of the monarchy, she was still a pawn in Louis’ games. He had shown her just how easily she could be replaced when Charlotte Mellendorf was brought to the palace. Though he hadn’t gone through with the plan, Anne had seen through his fickle heart; he had been prepared to cast her aside over her inability to provide him an heir. 

Louis had no understanding of a woman’s heart or what Anne needed from him. Perhaps she had not done enough to ensure that he had a son. Here in France, Anne had few allies. They did not want a Spanish queen, and many felt that France should be freed from her and her influence. In their minds, she held too much sway over her husband and his politics. She had been guilty of wishing for more opportunities for women outside of the nobility to learn and make inroads for themselves. Her husband had been on her side until one of his favorite relatives had gotten into trouble for running a salon to teach women various subjects. Anne had been the champion of the people, but in doing so, she had put her own heart and desires aside, including the one to have children. As much as she wanted them, God appeared to have other plans.

Anne would likely spend the rest of her life doing penance for those sins. There were too many people that she had either failed or disappointed. Louis wanted to replace her and she could do so little about it. If she tried to fight him, she would be disgraced. What remained of her reputation would be in ruins. Or she could choose another life, another world, one that afforded her the happiness she deserved. It all came crashing down around her when the person she cared about the most had pulled away right when she needed him. Aramis was too noble to outright abandon her, especially when he knew exactly what it was she required. He had tried to remain close enough to protect her. Anne picked up the worn journal laying by her bedside and began to write. It was the only way to let the feelings out before they consumed her. She flipped through the pages, falling on the entry she had made after her return from the convent.

 ** _There are few friends left for me here. Louis remains certain that I cannot give him a child. I dare not tell him the truth; that I am expecting and that I know with all my heart that it is a boy. I know exactly when and how it happened. But one truth may condemn me. The child growing in my womb belongs to a man other than my husband_.** Anne ceased reading and shut the book, letting a few tears fall onto the faded cover. Here, she would be able to cry, to let herself feel. The words would never be enough, but they would suffice, until she had a true and trusted confidante. In front of her people, she could not bear the fragility of a woman’s heart, the weakness in her desire for a lover’s touch. 

_For Aramis’s touch_., her mind corrected, though she knew it could never be. Her focus was on her duty, and her country. Anne had spent too much of her life surrendering her power and her voice to others, and this time, she would not go quietly into the people’s memory as a whore, a spy and a traitor. Her loyal Musketeers would see to that. 

_Everything I have done, I have done either for country or for love. If living without love for the rest of my life is my penance, then I may already be damned. But, Heaven forgive me, I will never regret the things I’ve done for love. A woman’s heart shows her true measure and someday, France will know mine. I will not be silenced. Love will wash away the rest of my sins and find a way._


End file.
